Then: 4:30am - alarm goes off, get up, into the shower, pick out today's wardrobe, turn on coffee maker, start to put on make up, return to kitchen to pour a cup of coffee, return to bathroom to continue getting ready, back to the kitchen to drop down some toast, return to bathroom to complete getting ready, return to kitchen and butter toast, turn on morning news, sit, eat toast and watch the traffic reports.
Now: no alarm set, no hustling around to get ready, just you and the cats and dogs.
Then: 6:00am dash into car and hit the road to work. Drive like half-crazed person to try and beat the traffic and get a good parking spot at work. Arrive at work at 7:00, give morning "hello's" to coworkers, log on to computer and check email. Check voice mail messages and take notes on calls to be returned today. Study work calendar to ensure that the day is prioritized correctly and make needed corrections. Quick run into the kitchen to put lunch in fridge and grab a cup of water. Return to desk, log into the phone system and away we go.
Now: get up. A shower can be optional. Determine if vertigo and fatigue are making a morning visit. If not proceed to kitchen to get a cup of coffee and make a little breakfast. Now that breakfast is done look around the house for something to do in order to be productive.
Then: 4:00pm run to car like your hair is on fire to once again try to beat the afternoon traffic. Get in to car and immediately turn on AM radio to get a traffic report. Listen to traffic report and adjust travel home to miss as much traffic as possible. 5:15pm arrive at home and change into comfortable clothes. Take a peek in the fridge in hopes of scoring an easy to make (hopefully leftovers) dinner and relax until Brent comes home from work.
Now: Look to make dinner. Not sure if you have enough energy to make something that requires more than turning on the oven and placing it into the oven and setting the timer. Watch TV and wait for Brent to get home.
This is what the change was for Jenn. Going from a fast paced professional career to being home full time with not a lot to do in order to feel productive. Wow, what a mind game. How do you make this dramatic adjustment without driving yourself crazy? In America we put so much self-worth into our careers. You know, how far did you advance by what age and how much you earn. Jenn retired from work at the ripe old age of 27. I put myself in her shoes and what it would be like for me to be home all day and not working. Needless to say my head hurt after a couple minutes of thinking about this. I have a hard time sitting still for 5 minutes and the idea of being home all day just did not compute.
I was working full time. At this point it was Jenn, Zoie & Ima (our dogs) and Goliath & Thor (our cats) at home all day. Thank God for pets. They are such great companions. Advice: if are home full time pets provide a very nice companionship for the MS fighter. This is just our opinion but they really made difference. I know how much I dislike being at home with nothing to do and the though of doing that full time makes my head hurt.
After rearranging the furniture a couple of times and other household stuff Jenn had essentially run out of stuff to do. I could feel the frustration and confusion from her. Then came a moment that changed everything for both of us. One morning before leaving for work I was feeling uneasy about her mental and emotional state and I asked her "now that you are home full time what are you going to do?" and after about a 5 second pause she replied "Well, I have 2 choices. I can sit here and let the MS kick my butt or I can kick it's butt". I asked "what are you going to do?" and with a spark of fire in her eyes she quickly and confidently replied "I'm gonna kick its butt!".
That was such a defining moment. I have told this story probably over 100 times. Her reply set the stage for her attitude in her battle with the MonSter. I knew at that very point I was married to someone who was going to roll up her sleeves fight. My concern was that someone could just sit back, take cover and let the MS kick their butt. After that point when I was at work or away from the house I had no concern that Jenn wasn't doing anything but fight for her health.
Guilt, self worth, purpose where all things floating around in Jenn's head. I understood it because I would have the same thoughts and feelings. I was a little concerned that all of this would pile up so much that it would create a massive depression. The kind of depression that keeps her in bed, in a dark room and there is not much other than crying kind of depression. Thank God that did not happen. Yes, she did get depressed. Who wouldn't? It didn't paralyze her though.
It took a little while but Jenn did figure out how to be home full time. She didn't like it and has always refused to accept that it is her "call" to be at home full time. She decided to go head first into MS research. Everything and anything about cures. This ended up really consumer her. Her determination to find something to help her was ferocious.
The next post will be: "I took ______ and went from being in a wheelchair to doing 3 Triathlons a year!"
Thanks for reading,
-Brent
Reject Defeat
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