Holidays + Stress = MS nightmare!

The holidays can be a stressful time.  Worrying about planning, cooking, traveling and even worrying that your favorite uncle is going to end up passed out in the bushes again because he drank too much.  Stress + MS = bad news!  I know for Jenn stress makes her MS pop up to say "hello".  This did happen for her at the holidays.  For a few years I was confident of two things during the holidays.  One, Jenn's dad was going to watch the movie A Christmas Story a minimum of three time and second would be Jenn would get stressed out and her MS would give her troubles because of it.

I have often wondered how the Holiday's have seemingly become way more work and stress than they are enjoyable.  Maybe it's people competing to keep up with relatives or others around them with presents, cooking, decorating or travel.  Whatever it is obvious people get pretty worked up about holidays.  It's sad to me that holidays create this much stress for some.  It's almost like a wedding.  Everyone has to be "performing" at a high level.  It can be a total performance trap.  The real trap is that you can never live up to performance you want.  

A few years ago Jenn was particularly stressed out during the holidays.  Her MS started giving her troubles because of it.  After that holiday season I sat down with her and asked "why do you put so much stress on yourself during the holidays?".  She said "she was concerned that her MS was going to be a focal point and she wanted to do everything she could to mask or redirect it".  I said "It's not the focal point, the stress is murder for your MS and please quit doing it".  

When she made the decision to not stress during the holidays a couple things happened.  She looked forward to them and now enjoyed them.  Her holiday MS flare ups are gone.

Here are some tips I found to help avoid Holiday stress.

Notice the physical signs that you are suffering from stress. Having MS you are likely very aware of how your body is doing.  Some signs are:  Exhaustion - most MS fighters already battle this and trying to go above and beyond your capacity is going to compound it.  It is not something you cab fix with a night of proper sleep. You know the tasks on tasks you volunteer for have consequences, but you are not able to stop!

Notice the mental signs that you are suffering from stress. 

Irritability: Everything irritates you, and you do not know why. Unfortunately, this means you've forgotten to see the charm of your life, and you've started imagining that work's getting harder and your kids more demanding, forgetting the joys and only seeing the hassles.

Lack of resilience: Your boss criticizes one small detail in the paper you have spent months getting ready to free up time for the holiday break. You fall apart, sobbing. She looks at you like you are from outer space, and you begin to think she has a point.

Negative feelings: You are already planning to be disappointed by Christmas dinner or the New Year's party. Every other year has been a washout, so this one will be too. Oh, why even try? you start to wonder. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Feeling down, feeling the blues, or depressed: An inability to shake off the blues is a warning sign that stressors are getting to you. This is one step removed from negative feelings, which will also accompany feeling down but may also involved feeling like giving up.

Take a break. 

This time of year can fluster even the most unflappable.  If you are responsible for the majority of holiday preparations and planning you are under a lot of pressure.  Despite the fun moments you sometimes share, it is like your are overloaded.  If you have overlooked your own needs amid this; it is not surprising that you are feeling stressed.  Some of the things you might benefit from include:

Blocking out several hours every few days for rest. This is you-time and it does not involve flipping through magazines planning Christmas lunch or New Year's Eve cocktails. This is time to shut your eyes and put your feet up. Do anything other than what is expected of you.

Treating yourself to a massage or a spa visit. Amid all the chaos, seek some serenity. (Men, you are allowed to go to the spa, too, although manicures or pedicures are strictly optional.)

Taking time out to chat with a friend or two. Share your ideas for making it through the holiday season with greater ease. You might even help one another with babysitting arrangements or sharing tasks.

Visit your place of worship or spiritual spot more often than usual. Take time to pray, meditate or sit in a state of silence and peace. Allow the peacefulness to wash over you and remember the spirit of the season.

Eat well.

Do not devastate your energy levels by starving yourself over the holiday season.  Stay away from sugary, fatty, and unhealthy snacks that can take the place of healthier food.  It is fine to indulge in moderation but do not use it as an excuse to stop eating well.  Changing the way you eat as a reaction to the stress of the holiday season might seem like a way to make you feel better, but this can lead to weight gain. This can cause more stress and hurl you into another vicious cycle and a possible MS flare-up.  Eat three healthy meals a day and keep most of your snacks healthy. Focus especially on vegetables and proteins. Indulging occasionally is fine.  Eating less? Some people respond to stress by not eating altogether. This is hard on the body as well, draining you of much-needed energy. Indeed, you might take in so few calories that you cannot maintain your energy during the day, which is not helpful to your health.

Watch your alcohol intake. 

Alcohol is often relied upon to ease stress during the holidays.  Drinking more than usual and increasing frequency can more often increase stress, cause weight gain and cloud your judgement.

For events such as New Year's Eve, let yourself have a glass or two of the best wine or sparkling drinks instead of drinking to get drunk. You deserve the far better experience.  At the same time, let yourself unwind after a busy day. Have a glass of wine with dinner, or a hot toddy an hour or two before bed. If it helps you unwind, go for it.

Stop imagining that the holiday season is about being "perfect". 

A lot of stress you put yourself through comes from trying to match the perfect standard shown in magazines, TV, and other media. Marking professionals use perfection in images to create intrigue and demand not reality.  Don't pin your happiness on the success of your holidays. Your happiness should be bigger than just the holidays. Be thankful for the family that you do have, the opportunities you have been given, and the future you can look forward to. Put things into perspective.  Strive to perfect some duties and expectations, but don't expect perfection. Your polar bear cookies might be misshapen, and your chicken overcooked, but it is the thought that count.  This is where delegation is vital; delegation means shared responsibility for how everything turns out. Seek out help where necessary. This means letting go of some of your control, which is a great thing.

For Jenn and I our focus at Christmas is the birth of Jesus.  With this focus we are at peace and enjoy our time together with family and friends.  We hope you can too.

Next post: Do you have Hope or Faith for an MS cure?

Thanks for reading.

-Brent

Reject Defeat

Are you trying to fool people about your MS?

When I was a child I remember hide-and-go-seek as game you could play with just about anyone.  Some kids picked ridiculously good hiding spots and others ridiculously easy ones. When I played I always wanted my hiding spot to be good but not too good.  I wanted the thrill of the possibility of being found.  I could have went into the attic and NOBODY would have found me but that wasn't fun to me.  As am adult hide-and-go-seek is not something I want to participate in.  However, most MS'er's have or current do with their MS.  Don't kid yourself you know you have.  For example you have been planning on going to event with your spouse or family but you don't feel good...at all but you tell them you feel better than you actually do.

Jenn has tried this with me.  Most of the time I would catch it and call her on it.  I get it, you don't want to look like a whiner, weak or feel like you're being a burden by saying how you really feel.  I have 3 words for you.  Get over it.  Sounds harsh but it has to be.  Yes, you have good intentions by playing the MS hide-and-go-seek game but it will come back to bite you.  The fact is you are going to miss things or have them interrupted or shortened because of your MS.  It sucks but it is something that is a part of managing your MS both physically and mentally.

When I ask Jenn how she is feeling I do it for a couple of reasons.  First, I care how she is feeling and if there is something going on that I can help with then I can do something.  Second is that I notice that she is "off" and I want know what it is so I can help (if I can).  When I noticed she was "off" and I asked her how she was feeling and she would be reply "I'm doing okay".  I would respond with "really.....because I can see that everything is not "okay".  Now can you please tell me what is going on?".  At this point she would spill the beans on what was going on.

I don't ask how she's doing to be a pest or make MS and her health the focal point of everything.  I genuinely want to know.  I also mentally mark down any patterns or new things as they happened.  It helps me as a care partner to recognize health patterns and when new or different things come up.

Something you may not have thought about when you telling people you feel better than you do.  It creates a pattern of deception that will have your care partner (and others) questioning what you are saying about your health.  This is not good for anyone and can be a very slippery slope.  It can get to a point that everything (not just health) you are saying is questioned is questioned if it is truthful.

The people around you want the best for you and even if it means altering a plan be upfront about how you are feeling.  If you feel that someone doesn't understand why then use that opportunity to give them a quick education on why.  Having to be upfront and truthful about how you are feeling is not easy.  The last thing you want is to have your MS get in the way of anything.  Unfortunately it's going to but trust me as a care partner we are prepared to make adjustments and go with the flow.

Next post: Holidays + Stress = MS nightmare!

Thanks for reading.

-Brent

Reject Defeat

Don't poke the bear.

I think most of have heard the expression "don't poke the bear".  It simply means don't disrupt something if you don't have to.  For this post the "bear" is MS.  Sometimes it's better to leave things the way they are.

A friend of mine I went to high school was diagnosed with MS at the age of 29.  I witnessed the whole process.  He was the pitcher on my men's softball team.  He was always very good at sports and had outstanding hand-eye coordination.  Then odd things started happening to him during games.  He would get a hit and running to first base and would just trip over nothing and fall.  On a few occasions when he was pitching after he released the ball he would just fall down.  This was so not like him.  He laughed it off and so did the rest of the team.  We had a little fun imitating him falling down and he would laugh right along with us.  I was talking to him in the dugout one game and he told me his right arm and leg where getting numb and that it was getting worse.  He thought it was a pinched nerve in his back or neck even though he no pain in either place.

This was before I had met Jenn and I didn't know what MS was.  But I did know that whatever was going on with him he needed to see a doctor and get it figured out.  This kind of stuff doesn't happen to a 29 year old guy who at the time was in pretty good shape.  That game was the last time he stepped onto a softball field as a player.

After a few months of tests they gave him the official word that he has MS.  Once we all heard the news we all looked at each other in disbelief and mainly because we had no idea what MS was.  His MS was aggressive.  Each time I saw him he was worse.  Slower moving, slower speaking and couldn't walk too far before he was exhausted.  He started using Avonex.  He noticed a marked improvement after he started using it.

A couple months later I went to visit him.  He tells me that he is quitting the Avonex and going to battle MS without any prescription drugs. I looked at him and said "you're out of your mind.  What you are doing is working.  Why mess with success?".  He then tells me that he is going to defeat his MS with his mind and willpower.  Really?  That would be great if you could do such things.  I said to him "if that was possible people could cure their own cancer or whatever ails them".  He said "maybe, but most people don't have my determination and willpower".  I have always been an optimistic glass is half full guy.  But, in this case all I saw was disaster.

I had known him for many years and he was always known for his fierce competitive nature and determination.  He is the guy who dives in to rocks in the "friendly" family volleyball game.  Win at all costs.  He poked the bear.  It took a about 6 weeks but his health started going down hill quickly.  This coupled with his Taco Bell diet and late night video game playing the "bear" was giving him a beating.

If I remember right it took him 6 months before he went back to using Avonex.  Shortly after he started Avonex again I saw him and asked him how the "willpower" cure was going.  He chuckled briefly and said "I don't know what I was thinking.  That didn't work at all and I am back using Avonex".  He learned the hard way that as tempting as it may be sometimes to change your MS treatment it is truly better to not poke the bear.

Next post: Are you trying to fool people about your MS?

Thanks for reading.

-Brent

Reject Defeat