Merry Christmas

Every year Jenn and I watch A Charlie Brown Christmas.  It never fails that every year we find something new/different to take from it.  This show was made in 1965 and is so timeless.  The one thing that really stood out to me this time was commercialism of Christmas vs. the real reason for Christmas.  We say every year "wow, Christmas seems more commercialized this year".  Then I see the Charlie Brown being frustrated that his friends are all about how many presents they can get and that they are the "right" ones.  Even in 1965 Christmas was busy with most of the things we see today.  However, at the end all the kids realize spending time with each other was more important than gifts.

Most MS fighters I know could care less about material items.  They value relationships.  Material items come and go but good relationships last a lifetime and if you have those types of relationships don't let them go.  When you have good relationships you don't need many.  In fact if you have 1 solid relationship you are blessed.  Hopefully you get the opportunity to spend some time during Christmas with them.

As a MS fighter or a care partner you spend all year battling MS and all the garbage it brings.  One thing Jenn and I learned was to slow down, relax and enjoy family, friends, movies and of course great food.  It's easy to caught up in the hype and the hustle.  Christmas really is special and for us slowing down, relaxing and taking in everything has been a blessing.  Not only do we get to really savor the moments but MS issues that can (and often do) pop up from all the stress and hustling around are not an issue.

For Jenn and I we celebrate Christmas for the birth of Jesus.  We say "Merry Christmas" to everyone (even when they say Happy Holidays).  We love Christmas, the reason for Christmas and being able to put health issues aside as much as possible and simply enjoy.  We hope you and your family can do the same.

Next post:  From a wheelchair to walking.

Merry Christmas.

-Brent

Do you have Hope or Faith for an MS cure?

Do you have hope or faith there will be a cure for MS?  Does this seem like an odd question?  Maybe you say "I have both".  It's kind of a one or the other choice.  Let me explain.  Marian-Websters dictionary provides the following definitions for both.  Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.  Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something.  Does reading the two definitions change your view on hope and faith?

It seems to me that as a society we have made both hope and faith mean the same thing.  That's a mistake. Both have a great purpose but they need to be separated from each other.  I remember as kid at Christmas I hoped that Santa would bring me a certain toy(s).  Did I have Faith that Santa was going to bring me them?  No, I figured it was 50/50 shot and sometimes far less because I really made some of my toy requests a bit outrageous and I would put it in the "doesn't hurt to ask" category.  

Part of the mental and emotional battle with MS is to have both hope and faith.  If you don't have either one you have sentenced yourself to a mental and emotional jail that MS is the warden.  Not good.  Having hope and faith everyday is fuel for better health.  Not only does this help you it also helps your care partner or support people.  When people know you are hopeful for a cure and that you have faith that things will get better it makes it easier for them.

Having hope and faith will not be easy all the time.  It will challenge you.  When you are in the middle of an MS storm it can look easier to lose hope and faith than to gain it.  This is time when you dig your feet in, ball up your fists and shout "no way, you are NOT taking this from me".  You do not have control of what MS does to you physically.  You do have control of your hope and faith and MS cannot take it away.  The only way you lose it is to give it up.

Jenn has been through some big battles.  She always had faith that things would get better.  She would say that it she did not to get 100% better but greatly improved.  I know big part of that was having faith that it was going to get better.  Don't ever give up hope or faith!

Next post: Merry Christmas

Thanks for reading,

-Brent

Reject Defeat

Holidays + Stress = MS nightmare!

The holidays can be a stressful time.  Worrying about planning, cooking, traveling and even worrying that your favorite uncle is going to end up passed out in the bushes again because he drank too much.  Stress + MS = bad news!  I know for Jenn stress makes her MS pop up to say "hello".  This did happen for her at the holidays.  For a few years I was confident of two things during the holidays.  One, Jenn's dad was going to watch the movie A Christmas Story a minimum of three time and second would be Jenn would get stressed out and her MS would give her troubles because of it.

I have often wondered how the Holiday's have seemingly become way more work and stress than they are enjoyable.  Maybe it's people competing to keep up with relatives or others around them with presents, cooking, decorating or travel.  Whatever it is obvious people get pretty worked up about holidays.  It's sad to me that holidays create this much stress for some.  It's almost like a wedding.  Everyone has to be "performing" at a high level.  It can be a total performance trap.  The real trap is that you can never live up to performance you want.  

A few years ago Jenn was particularly stressed out during the holidays.  Her MS started giving her troubles because of it.  After that holiday season I sat down with her and asked "why do you put so much stress on yourself during the holidays?".  She said "she was concerned that her MS was going to be a focal point and she wanted to do everything she could to mask or redirect it".  I said "It's not the focal point, the stress is murder for your MS and please quit doing it".  

When she made the decision to not stress during the holidays a couple things happened.  She looked forward to them and now enjoyed them.  Her holiday MS flare ups are gone.

Here are some tips I found to help avoid Holiday stress.

Notice the physical signs that you are suffering from stress. Having MS you are likely very aware of how your body is doing.  Some signs are:  Exhaustion - most MS fighters already battle this and trying to go above and beyond your capacity is going to compound it.  It is not something you cab fix with a night of proper sleep. You know the tasks on tasks you volunteer for have consequences, but you are not able to stop!

Notice the mental signs that you are suffering from stress. 

Irritability: Everything irritates you, and you do not know why. Unfortunately, this means you've forgotten to see the charm of your life, and you've started imagining that work's getting harder and your kids more demanding, forgetting the joys and only seeing the hassles.

Lack of resilience: Your boss criticizes one small detail in the paper you have spent months getting ready to free up time for the holiday break. You fall apart, sobbing. She looks at you like you are from outer space, and you begin to think she has a point.

Negative feelings: You are already planning to be disappointed by Christmas dinner or the New Year's party. Every other year has been a washout, so this one will be too. Oh, why even try? you start to wonder. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Feeling down, feeling the blues, or depressed: An inability to shake off the blues is a warning sign that stressors are getting to you. This is one step removed from negative feelings, which will also accompany feeling down but may also involved feeling like giving up.

Take a break. 

This time of year can fluster even the most unflappable.  If you are responsible for the majority of holiday preparations and planning you are under a lot of pressure.  Despite the fun moments you sometimes share, it is like your are overloaded.  If you have overlooked your own needs amid this; it is not surprising that you are feeling stressed.  Some of the things you might benefit from include:

Blocking out several hours every few days for rest. This is you-time and it does not involve flipping through magazines planning Christmas lunch or New Year's Eve cocktails. This is time to shut your eyes and put your feet up. Do anything other than what is expected of you.

Treating yourself to a massage or a spa visit. Amid all the chaos, seek some serenity. (Men, you are allowed to go to the spa, too, although manicures or pedicures are strictly optional.)

Taking time out to chat with a friend or two. Share your ideas for making it through the holiday season with greater ease. You might even help one another with babysitting arrangements or sharing tasks.

Visit your place of worship or spiritual spot more often than usual. Take time to pray, meditate or sit in a state of silence and peace. Allow the peacefulness to wash over you and remember the spirit of the season.

Eat well.

Do not devastate your energy levels by starving yourself over the holiday season.  Stay away from sugary, fatty, and unhealthy snacks that can take the place of healthier food.  It is fine to indulge in moderation but do not use it as an excuse to stop eating well.  Changing the way you eat as a reaction to the stress of the holiday season might seem like a way to make you feel better, but this can lead to weight gain. This can cause more stress and hurl you into another vicious cycle and a possible MS flare-up.  Eat three healthy meals a day and keep most of your snacks healthy. Focus especially on vegetables and proteins. Indulging occasionally is fine.  Eating less? Some people respond to stress by not eating altogether. This is hard on the body as well, draining you of much-needed energy. Indeed, you might take in so few calories that you cannot maintain your energy during the day, which is not helpful to your health.

Watch your alcohol intake. 

Alcohol is often relied upon to ease stress during the holidays.  Drinking more than usual and increasing frequency can more often increase stress, cause weight gain and cloud your judgement.

For events such as New Year's Eve, let yourself have a glass or two of the best wine or sparkling drinks instead of drinking to get drunk. You deserve the far better experience.  At the same time, let yourself unwind after a busy day. Have a glass of wine with dinner, or a hot toddy an hour or two before bed. If it helps you unwind, go for it.

Stop imagining that the holiday season is about being "perfect". 

A lot of stress you put yourself through comes from trying to match the perfect standard shown in magazines, TV, and other media. Marking professionals use perfection in images to create intrigue and demand not reality.  Don't pin your happiness on the success of your holidays. Your happiness should be bigger than just the holidays. Be thankful for the family that you do have, the opportunities you have been given, and the future you can look forward to. Put things into perspective.  Strive to perfect some duties and expectations, but don't expect perfection. Your polar bear cookies might be misshapen, and your chicken overcooked, but it is the thought that count.  This is where delegation is vital; delegation means shared responsibility for how everything turns out. Seek out help where necessary. This means letting go of some of your control, which is a great thing.

For Jenn and I our focus at Christmas is the birth of Jesus.  With this focus we are at peace and enjoy our time together with family and friends.  We hope you can too.

Next post: Do you have Hope or Faith for an MS cure?

Thanks for reading.

-Brent

Reject Defeat

Are you trying to fool people about your MS?

When I was a child I remember hide-and-go-seek as game you could play with just about anyone.  Some kids picked ridiculously good hiding spots and others ridiculously easy ones. When I played I always wanted my hiding spot to be good but not too good.  I wanted the thrill of the possibility of being found.  I could have went into the attic and NOBODY would have found me but that wasn't fun to me.  As am adult hide-and-go-seek is not something I want to participate in.  However, most MS'er's have or current do with their MS.  Don't kid yourself you know you have.  For example you have been planning on going to event with your spouse or family but you don't feel good...at all but you tell them you feel better than you actually do.

Jenn has tried this with me.  Most of the time I would catch it and call her on it.  I get it, you don't want to look like a whiner, weak or feel like you're being a burden by saying how you really feel.  I have 3 words for you.  Get over it.  Sounds harsh but it has to be.  Yes, you have good intentions by playing the MS hide-and-go-seek game but it will come back to bite you.  The fact is you are going to miss things or have them interrupted or shortened because of your MS.  It sucks but it is something that is a part of managing your MS both physically and mentally.

When I ask Jenn how she is feeling I do it for a couple of reasons.  First, I care how she is feeling and if there is something going on that I can help with then I can do something.  Second is that I notice that she is "off" and I want know what it is so I can help (if I can).  When I noticed she was "off" and I asked her how she was feeling and she would be reply "I'm doing okay".  I would respond with "really.....because I can see that everything is not "okay".  Now can you please tell me what is going on?".  At this point she would spill the beans on what was going on.

I don't ask how she's doing to be a pest or make MS and her health the focal point of everything.  I genuinely want to know.  I also mentally mark down any patterns or new things as they happened.  It helps me as a care partner to recognize health patterns and when new or different things come up.

Something you may not have thought about when you telling people you feel better than you do.  It creates a pattern of deception that will have your care partner (and others) questioning what you are saying about your health.  This is not good for anyone and can be a very slippery slope.  It can get to a point that everything (not just health) you are saying is questioned is questioned if it is truthful.

The people around you want the best for you and even if it means altering a plan be upfront about how you are feeling.  If you feel that someone doesn't understand why then use that opportunity to give them a quick education on why.  Having to be upfront and truthful about how you are feeling is not easy.  The last thing you want is to have your MS get in the way of anything.  Unfortunately it's going to but trust me as a care partner we are prepared to make adjustments and go with the flow.

Next post: Holidays + Stress = MS nightmare!

Thanks for reading.

-Brent

Reject Defeat